How Can Self-Awareness Enable You to Develop a Successful Intimate Relationship? Two Examples

Why do your relationships fail?

If you have been trying for quite some time now to find a partner with whom to develop a satisfying relationship but in vain, you might wonder what’s going on; how is it possible that in spite of your continuous attempts you haven’t been successful until now?

My answer:

If you haven’t been successful until now in finding and developing a satisfying intimate relationship it might be you who stand in your way. You might be sabotaging your attempts at relationships without even knowing that you do!

My advice

Develop your Self-Awareness: it will enable you to identify and understand what stands in your way from succeeding.

Here are 3 examples of those who, as they developed Self-Awareness, were successful in changing self-sabotaging behaviors into ones leading to finding and developing a successful relationship.

Example 1: Betty’s enthusiastic behavior

Before

Betty develops Self-Awareness…

Betty jumps from one relationship to another. She’s tremendously enthusiastic in the beginning, clings to her partner, gives him her heart and soul to later find herself once again abandoned and hurt. She then jumps right into a new relationship – hoping that “this time it will work”. But it doesn’t.

What’s the matter with all these men, she asks herself, why isn’t a single one of them prepared to develop a genuine, lasting relationship?

How does Betty’s lack of Self-Awareness harm her relationship?

Betty perceives herself as a loving woman who gives herself over completely. But she isn’t aware that her over-enthusiastic behavior and “being there 100% for her partner” is pushing away the men she dates, instead of bringing them closer since she comes across as dependent and smothering. This drives her to continually jump from one relationship to another,

After

Betty develops Self-Awareness…

When Betty develops Self-Awareness she realizes that her behavior is driven by neediness coupled with the fear of being alone. Both drive her to “love too much” on the one hand, and to jump immediately into a new relationship – often with men who are not good for her – the minute her past relationships ends.

Having gained this awareness Betty succeeds in being more selective about the men she begins a relationship with and about being less dependent and less smothering while in a relationship. She is glad to finally been able to develop a long-term satisfying bond.

Example 2: Jimmy’s reactions

Before

Jimmy develops Self-Awareness…

Jimmy feels that no matter what he does, he can’t please Holly: he feels that she is always critical of him: of the way he eats, the clothes he wears, how he talks on the phone.

“Can’t I talk to you any more?” Holly asks him. “It’s time you stopped thinking that I’m treating you like your mother does”, she tells him time and again.

But Jimmy is insistent: “You just criticize and annoy me all the time.”

How does Jimmy’s lack of Self-Awareness harm her relationship?

Jimmy reacts towards Holly in an unconscious way which occurs frequently: he’s bringing feelings and reactions back from his interactions with his mother into his relationship with Holly. When Holly tries to bring this to his attention, he refuses to acknowledge it and sticks to his stand that she’s “criticizing and annoying him”.

As long as Jimmy is not aware, he will continue to accuse Holly (as he might have probably had previous partners).

After

Jimmy develops Self-Awareness…

It is only when Jimmy develops Self-Awareness that he realizes that his reaction towards Holly is driven by feelings and reactions dated back to his interactions with his mother. These made him feel criticized by Holly at all times – even when she didn’t criticize him at all. Having gained this awareness Jimmy is able to stop accusing Holly for criticizing him (even though at times he still feels like being criticized!), and to share with her his feelings.

This “simple” change in his behavior help them develop a much happier and satisfying relationship then before.

Self-Awareness is the key to stop sabotaging your relationships

As the examples of Betty and Jimmy and show, if you desire to have a successful intimate relationship but find yourself failing time and again, the best you can do for yourself is develop Self-Awareness: get to know and understand yourself better; recognize how your attitudes, reactions and behaviors might withhold you from succeeding.

When you understand how you shoot yourself in the foot you become able to make the necessary changes and develop a successful relationship.